look no pants
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
