can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
