last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
