do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
