Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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