fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
