So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
