Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
