even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
