I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
