Sponge bath it is.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
