I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
