he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
