he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize