I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There r osticjed everywhere
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
