Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
