Joe is yelling at the trees again.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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