Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
