i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
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