I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
