I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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