Sry I called you an 8
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
