you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
