omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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