ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
