so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
