last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
