Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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