My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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