May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
