Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
