I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
