i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
