when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
