you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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