i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize