you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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