I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
