I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
