Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
