3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
