Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
How's work?
Spinning.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
