I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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