It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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