$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
