I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
