Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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