hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
