ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
