ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
