Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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