There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
