I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Actions speak louder than pants.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
