I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm sobbing to NWA
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
