idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
