We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He passed out mid-signature
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
