Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
