This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
