fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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