It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
