Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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