And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
