hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
