I wish they made helmets for livers.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
