I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
