Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
