i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
