i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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