how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
