Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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