my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
