why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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