you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
