Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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