dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
