i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
