So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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