I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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