Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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