She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
