my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
