i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Your penis caused this!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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