I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
