I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
