The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
