when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
