Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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