I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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