Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
