I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Found your dick twin last night
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Come on in and take your pants off
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
