I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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