allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The power of my boobs compel you
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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